Thursday, June 21st 2018
View Open Cases
My organization, Zac's Sue N Chew Limited Liability Corporation (ZSNC.LLC), in association with various others, including, but not limited to Nabisco, Dennis Farina and ViaComm, as well as their baby mamas, tailors and subordinates, strongly discourage your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for news of the day and deals on certain low-priced MAO (MAO) inhibitors, NOT to be spied upon by the like of you.
Your studied aloofnness clarly violates Section 6600.1.(b) of the California Welfare and Institutions Code. My Client wishes to assert that he is not engaged in any legal activity whatsoever. Please update your files, backing them up to exabyte or any stable media of your choosing.. You want a piece of this, punk?!
Therefore, we intend to sue as soon as temporary employees can be arranged and offered juice. It has been commonly accepted (see Burke v. Williams) that simple yoga asanas combined with deep breathing and a cruelty-free diet shall take precedence over all other electronically viewed media including, but not limited to, TaeBo, Buns of Steel, Fit for Life and the Sopranos 4th Season DVD with commentary (if combined with long-tern popped corn injestion). I'm Outraged!
Our staff, albiet temporary, incompetent and en route, will be fed the highest quality whole grains (which shall certainly NOT be of inorganic nature) as well as Ginko Biloba administered intravenously in preparation for your swift demise.
Make no mistake, we intend to sue as soon as temporary employees can be arranged and offered juice. UNBELIEVABLE!!
However, you may be spared such disgrace (and various late fees) by remitting the following to our gleaming, high-prices offices at once:: a garbage pizza and two 4 packs of Boddington's, three (III) off color t-shirts sporting ironic logos and/ore text, one (one) loaf of Eziekel 4:9 organic bread as well as (2) two lesbian or bisexual strippers who know curse words in French and can recite haiku and five golden rings.
Its your choice, SIR, Submit to out demands or feel the sphincter-expanding wrath of our throbbing legal apparatus
Please refrain from comments that may anger or upset Mackenzie Phillips, the current and ex girlfriends of said Client and their assigns and/or appointees.. We hope that we can come to a mutually agreeable settlement. One where we both win..
PLEASE NOTE: IT IS HEREBY ACEPTED AND UNDERSTOOD THAT THE ABOVE STATEMENT HAS NOT BEEN APPROVED BY FABIO OR HIS MALE CONSORTS. CAUTION. CONTENTS HOT. UNACCEPTABLE!
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.