Thursday, November 23rd 2017
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My organization, 21st Century Birnbaum, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Radiohead, Pfizzer and Rite-Aid, as well as their ghostwriters, subordinates and ex-significant others, are somewhat disappointed by your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for news of the day and deals on certain low-priced MAO (MAO) inhibitors, NOT to be a victim of that which you have subjected him to repeatedly and without mercy.
Your studied aloofnness clarly violates Section 1308.(a)(1) of the California Labor Code. Please do not underestimate the girth of our throbbing legal aparatus and it's ability to insure swift justice through our sphinchter expanding suit.. Your comments are slanderous!!
Therefore, we intend to sue you to the bone. It has been commonly accepted (see Burke v. Williams) that simple yoga asanas combined with deep breathing and a cruelty-free diet shall take precedence over all other electronically viewed media including, but not limited to, TaeBo, Buns of Steel, Fit for Life and the Sopranos 4th Season DVD with commentary (if combined with long-tern popped corn injestion). We shall not sit idly by!!!
We have contacted several of our associates from the front the Terry Lumber institution who are en route to our gleaming offices to assist in mounting a strog case against you for as little money possible.
Make no mistake, we intend to sue you to the bone. UNBELIEVABLE!!
However, we will give you one last chance to avoid this action should you submit the following items to our marbled ofices this instant (or at least by late Wednesday): an Apple iPod loaded with the complete works of Men At Work, (3) CheesyBread, expertly manufactured by the "Little Ceasars" organization, the head of Brett Ratner as well as (2) two lesbian or bisexual strippers who know curse words in French and can recite haiku and a remote to the APEX A230-B DVD player (WITH the appropriate batteries)..
We sue or chew - the choice is yours, SIR, Prostrate yourself before us or find yourself among the ranks of those unfortunate dolts in the ZLS, LLC naughty files
I urge you to rethink your position as we are certainly prepared to sue and have a solid, aflaccid, case against you. Your response here shall be evidence of acceptance of the terms herein..
AMENDMENT : IN LEUI OF AFOREMENTIONED DELIVERABLES, WE WILL MOST CERTAINLY ACCEPT BOXED WINE [THIS IS OF COURSE CONTINGENT UPON THE APPROVAL OF BOTH $CELEBARR AND $CELEB [MT_RAND(0, $CELEBCOUNT)]. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.