Saturday, September 23rd 2017
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My organization, Birnbaum Partners IV, in association with various others, including, but not limited to The Pabbst Brewing Company, Mackenzie Phillips and Nix Check Cashin, as well as their family members, various hangers-on and baby mamas, are baffled by your repeated stalking via this electronic communication interface (ECI). My Client utilizes this ECI for dating options, NOT to be a victim of that which you have subjected him to repeatedly and without mercy.
Your blatant disregard for my client is in direct violation of Section 25852.(h) of the California Food and Agricultural Code. My Client wishes to assert that he is not engaged in any legal activity whatsoever. Please update your files, backing them up to exabyte or any stable media of your choosing.. You dare tangle with The Z?!
Therefore, we intend to sue you to the bone. Are you mad? Do you think my organization a tribe of offals who can be manipulated with promises of filmed copulation?. Our intermittently well-staffed organization is prepped for battle as is Tony Danza.
Temporary assigns have refused to work weekends but shall arrive in our offices of Monday or, maybe, Tuesday. By Wednesday, after much juice is consumed and timecards signed, we will get down to the business of mounting a legal campaign which shall, most certainly, make you hoarse from your screams of legal terror. (Many of our assigns will be what is known only as "out of town" for a period of two (2) to sic (sic) (VI) weeks. But most certainly you will be torn to legal shreds sometime within the next two financial quarters or so).
Make no mistake, we intend to sue you to the bone. Unacceptable!!
However, my client and I are willing to settle out of court for: an Apple iPod loaded with the complete works of Men At Work, 4 packages of Grape Pop Rocks, 1. (one) case of domestic ale, chilled to our liking as well as One (1) Dexy's Midnight Runner 's CD entitled "TOO-RYE-AY" (the 1981 original; a rare item which we expect to be delivered in fair to good condition) and five golden rings.
Its your choice, SIR, Submit to out demands or find yourself among the ranks of those unfortunate dolts in the ZLS, LLC naughty files
Please refrain from comments that may anger or upset Kurtis Blow, the current and ex girlfriends of said Client and their assigns and/or appointees.. Snoop Dog's award shall be final and judgement may be entered in any court having jurisdiction thereof.
ADDENDUMATIA: ALL INVOICES MUST BE PAID BEFORE THE FUCKING IS TO COMMENCE. ANY DISPUTES WILL BE HANDLES SOLELY BY DIRK BENEDICT OR, IN THE EVENT THAT HE IS UNKNOWN AND / OR "WASHED UP", LEIF GARRETT. SERVE WITH LEMON ZEST GARNISH. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.