Thursday, September 20th 2018

Z. Birnbaum


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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN!!

My organization, 21st Century Birnbaum, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Chaka Khan, Yaphet Kotto and The Pabbst Brewing Company, as well as their estranged fathers, weed carriers and drug dealers, are deeply distressed by your loading this page without our permission. My Client utilizes this ECI for an anecdote or two, NOT to be stalked by Philistines.

You comments are libelous and in direct violation of Section 775.5.(d) of the California Harbors and Navigation Code. You have engaged in the most heinous form of libel and shall pay with either blood or money. Your comments are libelous and damaging!

Therefore, we intend to sue. It has been commonly accepted (see Burke v. Williams) that simple yoga asanas combined with deep breathing and a cruelty-free diet shall take precedence over all other electronically viewed media including, but not limited to, TaeBo, Buns of Steel, Fit for Life and the Sopranos 4th Season DVD with commentary (if combined with long-tern popped corn injestion). Our intermittently well-staffed organization is prepped for battle as is Dexy's Midnight Runners.

We have contacted several of our associates from the front the Terry Lumber institution who are en route to our gleaming offices to assist in mounting a strog case against you for as little money possible.

Make no mistake, we intend to sue. All rights reserved.!

However, you may be spared such disgrace (and various late fees) by remitting the following to our gleaming, high-prices offices at once:: Two (see "2") A 'Pilates for Dummies' DVD, an Apple iPod loaded with the complete works of Men At Work, one (one) loaf of Eziekel 4:9 organic bread as well as a remote to the APEX A230-B DVD player (WITH the appropriate batteries). and One (1) Dexy's Midnight Runner 's CD entitled "TOO-RYE-AY" (the 1981 original; a rare item which we expect to be delivered in fair to good condition) .

We sue or chew - the choice is yours, SIR, Remit the following itemsSubmit to the steel will of our organization or drown in a deep sea of legal imbroglio

It behooves you to remit these items immediately as our staff, which includes Gary Coleman, is, at this very moment, being gathered to compile a most heinous suit. We hope that physical violence, administered coldly by Eddie Murphy, will not be necessary.

Very truly yours,

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Z. BIRNBAUM

AMENDMENT : ANY PERSON ATTEMPTING TO EMULATE THE WALK OF MY CLIENT SHALL PAY THE STANDARD PENALTIES AS WELL AS LEGAL FEE'S AND THE EXPENSES OF SAID ATTORNEY AS DESIGNATED IN THE PARAGRAPH BELOW. A 1.5% LATE FEE PER MONTH (18% ANNUM) SHALL BE ADDED TO ALL OVERDO ACCOUNTS. UNBELIEVABLE!

FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.