Wednesday, July 26th 2017

Z. Birnbaum


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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN!!

My organization, The Birnbaum Company, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Mackenzie Phillips, Snoop Dog and Roscos Chicken, as well as their personal trainers, weed carriers and tailors, are outraged at your repeated libelous statements. My Client utilizes this ECI for the current Major League Baseball standings, NOT to be a victim of that which you have subjected him to repeatedly and without mercy.

Your studied aloofnness clarly violates Section 4651.(a) of the California Fish and Game Code. Please do not underestimate the girth of our throbbing legal aparatus and it's ability to insure swift justice through our sphinchter expanding suit.. Your comments are libelous and damaging!

Therefore, your ass is, from this moment forward, figuratively ours.. You have engaged in the most heinous form of libel and shall pay with either blood or money. I'm Outraged!

We have contacted several of our associates from the front the Terry Lumber institution who are en route to our gleaming offices to assist in mounting a strog case against you for as little money possible.

Make no mistake, your ass is, from this moment forward, figuratively ours.. UNBELIEVABLE!!

However, you may be spared such disgrace (and various late fees) by remitting the following to our gleaming, high-prices offices at once:: (3) CheesyBread, expertly manufactured by the "Little Ceasars" organization, the head of Dexy's Midnight Runners, 4 packages of Grape Pop Rocks as well as a remote to the APEX A230-B DVD player (WITH the appropriate batteries). and five golden rings.

The choice remains with you, SIR, Remit the following itemsSubmit to the steel will of our organization or drown in a deep sea of legal imbroglio

I urge you to rethink your position as we are certainly prepared to sue and have a solid, aflaccid, case against you. Hal Linden's award shall be final and judgement may be entered in any court having jurisdiction thereof.

Warmest personal regards,

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Z. BIRNBAUM

PLEASE NOTE: MY CLIENT WISHES TO STATE THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER HETEROSEXUAL. APPLY WITH CAUTION. IF BURNING OCCURS FLUSH WITH WATER [ SEE SEC. II (A) III HEREIN] UNACCEPTABLE!

FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.