Thursday, July 19th 2018

Z. Birnbaum


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Criminal:

My organization, 21st Century Birnbaum, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Mackenzie Phillips, Nix Check Cashin and Nabisco, as well as their weed carriers, pimps and various corporate sponsors, grow weary of your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for updates regarding the career of Eddie Murphy, NOT to be hunted like some grass-fead beast.

Your statements have been found to be insulting to Robert Gulliume and in direct violation of Section 1308.(a)(1) of the California Labor Code. My client has no knowledge regarding your missing video entertainment device. Furthermore, his ramblings, as we shall prove in a court of law, are purely the those of a man in the throes of withdrawl from a certain MAO-inhibitor. You dare tangle with The Z?!

Therefore, your ass is, from this moment forward, figuratively ours.. My Client wishes to assert that he is not engaged in any legal activity whatsoever. Please update your files, backing them up to exabyte or any stable media of your choosing.. We shall not sit idly by!!!

We have procured funds for ourtemporary assigns to work overtime. They shall also be provided various fruit juices and low-end vending machine victuals as an incentive to speed your demise.

Make no mistake, your ass is, from this moment forward, figuratively ours.. Unacceptable!!

However, you may be spared such disgrace (and various late fees) by remitting the following to our gleaming, high-prices offices at once:: the head of Ernest Borgenine, Two (see "2") A 'Pilates for Dummies' DVD, 4 packages of Grape Pop Rocks as well as Four (sometimes represented by the following symbol: "4") A good line on punctual , low-cost and self-medicating temporary assigns and certain MAO inhibitors.

Your fate is in your own hands, SIR, Prostrate yourself before us or find yourself among the ranks of those unfortunate dolts in the ZLS, LLC naughty files

Please refrain from comments that may anger or upset Dexy's Midnight Runners, the current and ex girlfriends of said Client and their assigns and/or appointees.. We hope that physical violence, administered coldly by Hal Holbrook, will not be necessary.

Namaste,

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Z. BIRNBAUM

PLEASE NOTE: THE INFORMATION CONTAINED HEREIN SHALL BE INVALID UNTIL CONFIRMED BY ONE "PEACHES" OF THE PEACHES N' HERB FRANCHISE OR JOHN OATES, WHICHEVER IS GREATER. UNBELIEVABLE!

FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.