Thursday, February 21st 2019
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My organization, Birnbaum Coleman & Turchynsky, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Nabisco, GlaxoSmithKlein and Denis Franz, as well as their receptionists, so-called "friends with privledges" and assigns, grow weary of your repeated stalking via this electronic communication interface (ECI). My Client utilizes this ECI for the current Major League Baseball standings, NOT to be hunted like some grass-fead beast.
Your blatant disregard for my client is in direct violation of Section 1308.(a)(1) of the California Labor Code. My Client wishes to assert that he is not engaged in any legal activity whatsoever. Please update your files, backing them up to exabyte or any stable media of your choosing.. You want a piece of this, punk?!
Therefore, we intend to sue as this constitutes a serious offense to Snoop Dog. Are you mad? Do you think my organization a tribe of offals who can be manipulated with promises of filmed copulation?. I'm Outraged!
Our broadband-subscribing temporary staff is working around the clock and doing Yogalates. Please know that, when our enourmous legal apparatus has finished with you, you shall site THIS moment as that of the beginning of your decent into a life of abusing various Pfizzer products.
Make no mistake, we intend to sue as this constitutes a serious offense to Snoop Dog. UNBELIEVABLE!!
However, you can avoid such action by providing: Two (see "2") A 'Pilates for Dummies' DVD, 1. (one) case of domestic ale, chilled to our liking, a garbage pizza and two 4 packs of Boddington's as well as (2) two lesbian or bisexual strippers who know curse words in French and can recite haiku and five golden rings.
Your fate is in your own hands, SIR, Submit to out demands or find yourself among the ranks of those unfortunate dolts in the ZLS, LLC naughty files
It behooves you to remit these items immediately as our staff, which includes Robert Gulliume, is, at this very moment, being gathered to compile a most heinous suit. We hope that we can come to a mutually agreeable settlement. One where we both win..
EPIDENDALOGUE: THE ABOVE STATEMENT SHALL NOT BE CONSTRUED AS ONE OF FACT NOR SHALL SAID STATEMENT BE IN ANY WAY BECOME INTANGLED WITH SO-CALLED PFIZER'S NEW LINE OF PENILE ANTIDEPRESSANTS (AS SPECIFIED BY THE AFORMENTIONED CONTRACT, HEREIN AND HEREAFTER REFERRED TO AS CONTRACT. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.