Friday, January 18th 2019
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My organization, The Birnbaum Company, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Rite-Aid, Roscos Chicken and Nabisco, as well as their assigns, stylists and weed carriers, are outraged at your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for dating options, NOT to be spied upon by the like of you.
Your studied aloofnness clarly violates Section 775.5.(d) of the California Harbors and Navigation Code. Are you mad? Do you think my organization a tribe of offals who can be manipulated with promises of filmed copulation?. You want a piece of this, punk?!
Therefore, your ass is, from this moment forward, figuratively ours.. While it is my personal belief that the extract of the Yohimbe Bark, and other natural sexual boosters (such as those aforementioned in sec 6, verse 1: "Aswaganda" and/or sec 8, paragraph (a) ii: "Ginseng") is indeed adequete to boost erectile and ejaculatory ability, these are not the view shared by our associate which include, and yet are not limited to, The Pffizer Corporation, Sticky Video and Sheik, LLC. I'm Outraged!
Temporary assigns have refused to work weekends but shall arrive in our offices of Monday or, maybe, Tuesday. By Wednesday, after much juice is consumed and timecards signed, we will get down to the business of mounting a legal campaign which shall, most certainly, make you hoarse from your screams of legal terror. (Many of our assigns will be what is known only as "out of town" for a period of two (2) to sic (sic) (VI) weeks. But most certainly you will be torn to legal shreds sometime within the next two financial quarters or so).
Make no mistake, your ass is, from this moment forward, figuratively ours.. All rights reserved.!
However, you can avoid such action by providing: three (III) off color t-shirts sporting ironic logos and/ore text, a garbage pizza and two 4 packs of Boddington's, (3) CheesyBread, expertly manufactured by the "Little Ceasars" organization as well as an exotic dancer who understands english and a remote to the APEX A230-B DVD player (WITH the appropriate batteries)..
We sue or chew - the choice is yours, SIR, Submit to our random whims or feel the sphincter-expanding wrath of our throbbing legal apparatus
I urge you to rethink your position as we are certainly prepared to sue and have a solid, aflaccid, case against you. Any correspondence with my itinerant client (who shall from this point forward be known as "Client") shall be handled by me, my assigns and the good people at Pffizer corporate entity.
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.