Saturday, August 18th 2018
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My organization, Birnbaumaco, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Nabisco, ViaComm and Rite-Aid, as well as their drug dealers, wingmen and pimps, are deeply distressed by your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for an anecdote or two, NOT to be a victim of that which you have subjected him to repeatedly and without mercy.
Your statements have been found to be insulting to Mackenzie Phillips and in direct violation of Section 985.(c) of the California Evidence Code. You have engaged in the most heinous form of libel and shall pay with either blood or money. You want a piece of this, punk?!
Therefore, we intend to sue as soon as temporary employees can be arranged and offered juice. While it is my personal belief that the extract of the Yohimbe Bark, and other natural sexual boosters (such as those aforementioned in sec 6, verse 1: "Aswaganda" and/or sec 8, paragraph (a) ii: "Ginseng") is indeed adequete to boost erectile and ejaculatory ability, these are not the view shared by our associate which include, and yet are not limited to, The Pffizer Corporation, Sticky Video and Sheik, LLC. Our intermittently well-staffed organization is prepped for battle as is Peter Guber.
Temporary assigns have refused to work weekends but shall arrive in our offices of Monday or, maybe, Tuesday. By Wednesday, after much juice is consumed and timecards signed, we will get down to the business of mounting a legal campaign which shall, most certainly, make you hoarse from your screams of legal terror. (Many of our assigns will be what is known only as "out of town" for a period of two (2) to sic (sic) (VI) weeks. But most certainly you will be torn to legal shreds sometime within the next two financial quarters or so).
Make no mistake, we intend to sue as soon as temporary employees can be arranged and offered juice. Unacceptable!!
However, we will give you one last chance to avoid this action should you submit the following items to our marbled ofices this instant (or at least by late Wednesday): (3) CheesyBread, expertly manufactured by the "Little Ceasars" organization, a reasonable amount of Tang instant breakfast drink, 4 packages of Grape Pop Rocks as well as an exotic dancer who understands english and One (1) Dexy's Midnight Runner 's CD entitled "TOO-RYE-AY" (the 1981 original; a rare item which we expect to be delivered in fair to good condition) .
The Choice is yours, SIR, Submit to our random whims or feel the sphincter-expanding wrath of our throbbing legal apparatus
I urge you to rethink your position as we are certainly prepared to sue and have a solid, aflaccid, case against you. Your response here shall be evidence of acceptance of the terms herein..
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.