Sunday, February 18th 2018
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My organization, Birnbaum Partners IV, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Pink, Pfizzer and GlaxoSmithKlein, as well as their baby mamas, fuck buddies and estranged fathers, are baffled by your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for dating options, NOT to be a victim of that which you have subjected him to repeatedly and without mercy.
You are clearly deranged and in violation of Section 4651.(a) of the California Fish and Game Code. You have engaged in the most heinous form of libel and shall pay with either blood or money. Your comments are libelous and damaging!
Therefore, we intend to sue. My Client wishes to assert that he is not engaged in any legal activity whatsoever. Please update your files, backing them up to exabyte or any stable media of your choosing.. I'm Outraged!
While many of our loyal assigns MAY be "out sick" - we can guarantee nothing but swift justice and your attempt to ease yourself out of the path of our eminent wrath is pointless.
Make no mistake, we intend to sue. UNBELIEVABLE!!
However, you may be spared such disgrace (and various late fees) by remitting the following to our gleaming, high-prices offices at once:: a 24 pack of individually wrapped skittles, 4 packages of Grape Pop Rocks, 1. (one) case of domestic ale, chilled to our liking as well as (2) two lesbian or bisexual strippers who know curse words in French and can recite haiku and One (1) Dexy's Midnight Runner 's CD entitled "TOO-RYE-AY" (the 1981 original; a rare item which we expect to be delivered in fair to good condition) .
Its your choice, SIR, Submit to our random whims or find yourself among the ranks of those unfortunate dolts in the ZLS, LLC naughty files
Please refrain from comments that may anger or upset Camryn Manheim, the current and ex girlfriends of said Client and their assigns and/or appointees.. We hope that we can come to a mutually agreeable settlement. One where we both win..
Strength and honor,
TERMS: MY CLIENT WISHES TO STATE THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER HETEROSEXUAL. APPLY WITH CAUTION. IF BURNING OCCURS FLUSH WITH WATER [ SEE SEC. II (A) III HEREIN] UNACCEPTABLE!
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.