Saturday, February 25th 2017
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My organization, American Birnbaum, LTD., in association with various others, including, but not limited to Nix Check Cashin, Rite-Aid and The Pabbst Brewing Company, as well as their so-called "friends with privledges", wingmen and personal trainers, are outraged at your repeated libelous statements. My Client utilizes this ECI for news of the day and deals on certain low-priced MAO (MAO) inhibitors, NOT to be hunted like some grass-fead beast.
Your blatant disregard for my client is in direct violation of Section 985.(c) of the California Evidence Code. My client has no knowledge regarding your missing video entertainment device. Furthermore, his ramblings, as we shall prove in a court of law, are purely the those of a man in the throes of withdrawl from a certain MAO-inhibitor. You want a piece of this, punk?!
Therefore, we intend to sue you several times over and into your next few lifetimes. It has been commonly accepted (see Burke v. Williams) that simple yoga asanas combined with deep breathing and a cruelty-free diet shall take precedence over all other electronically viewed media including, but not limited to, TaeBo, Buns of Steel, Fit for Life and the Sopranos 4th Season DVD with commentary (if combined with long-tern popped corn injestion). I'm Outraged!
While many of our loyal assigns MAY be "out sick" - we can guarantee nothing but swift justice and your attempt to ease yourself out of the path of our eminent wrath is pointless.
Make no mistake, we intend to sue you several times over and into your next few lifetimes. Unacceptable!!
However, my Client, who shall, hereafter, and in perpetuity throughout the universe, be known as "Client," wishes to offer you a chance to settle.: a reasonable amount of Tang instant breakfast drink, three (III) off color t-shirts sporting ironic logos and/ore text, a bottle of MD 20/20, any flavor as well as a remote to the APEX A230-B DVD player (WITH the appropriate batteries). and (2) two lesbian or bisexual strippers who know curse words in French and can recite haiku.
The Choice is yours, SIR, Prostrate yourself before us or drown in a deep sea of legal imbroglio
Please refrain from comments that may anger or upset Abe Vigoda, the current and ex girlfriends of said Client and their assigns and/or appointees.. We hope that we can come to a mutually agreeable settlement. One where we both win..
Yours in Christ,
CONTEST RULES: ANY SO-CALLED "HATERS" SHALL EXPERIENCE THE FULL LEGAL WRATH OF ZSNC,LLC (FORMERLY ZAC'S LEGAL EMPRIUM). UNBELIEVABLE!
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.